saying things under your breath...

that everyone ends up hearing. That is the worst!! You are talking in a loud restaurant and as soon as you say something inappropriate, the whole place gets quiet. Everyone looks at you [or at least it feels that way] and takes your comment out of context... or they just get to hear you say something off color. 


This happened to me at a family gathering a few years ago. Thanksgiving to be exact. Now, my family is a large, loud, southern baptist family. So, imagine lots of cousin, more mashed potatoes than you can shake a stick at [what the heck does that phrase mean? In what circumstance would I be shaking sticks at things to measure how much there is? don't make no sense....], and lots and lots of talking. 


Now, I am single gal and my family is always discussing this wonderful fact. They ask questions like 'why don't you settle down' as if I am a kid who ate a tub of cool whip and is now running laps around the building. Or they ask, 'why are you single?' as if multiple men come up to me daily, offering me their hands and I just turn them down for some unknown reason. My issue with singleness came up at Thanksgiving again...


Everyone wondering why I'm still single, why I'm not married, will I ever find a man.... I like to think it's because they think I'm so awesome, it's just astonishing to think that I'm single. It boggles their minds. This is why we keep discussing it. So when my nana [my word for grandmother] asked me when I would just get married, I answered, 'oh, when I find a man good enough for me'


and then I turned to my sister and said, 'or when they make gay marriage legal, hee hee'


This joke that I meant for just my sister was heard by everyone. and I mean everyone. aunts, uncles, cousins, mom, dad, papa, and nana. 


As stated earlier, my family is southern baptist. And this joke, did not go over well. Dead silence filled the once loud house and all eyes turned to me... 


Later that night, my mom said, 'we do not joke like that in front of nana'
You're right, no lesbian jokes in front of nana.