having a big butt

Having a large rear-end can be really awkward, from day to day activities to picking a wardrobe. Forget rocking a pair of skinny jeans with a butt this big. It just ain't happening. it looks like someone stuck a 2 pears on a toothpick and wrapped them in denim. 


Even walking can be difficult. I try to maneuver around a cabinet or desk and end up ramming my booty into furniture. People are like, 'are you ok? didn't you see the desk?'


Yeah, I saw it, but my butt did not. My butt has a mind of it's own and swings in a wider radius than I can account for. NASA needs to plan my routes to make sure I can get through the office. 


My booty got me into an awkward situation one time in college. This story will require a couple back stories or background information, so let's get that out of the way. 


1) I do not like getting hit on. My big booty tends to draw attention from the male crowd, which should be flattering, but makes me uncomfortable. It's always, 'hey, nice butt' and I would prefer, 'you seem to have a great personality and I would like to get to know you... respectfully'. but alas, I get the weirdos, seemingly obsessed with butts... 


2) My sister is very fashionable. Wait, it all connects. She always looks nice and knows what's in fashion and likes to pass this advice on to me. And when she isn't telling me that I 'dress like a homeless person' she tells me that I wear my clothes too loosely. Which may be true. I like a little wiggle room in my clothes, I like to be able to breathe, and I like to keep my business private. But one day while shopping, she convinced me to buy a pair of capris which were 'fitted'. In the fashion world, that means tight. But she told me I looked good, I should get them, be confident, all that stuff. So, I bought the pants. And these pants are the star of my story:


Freshmen year of college, I was walking to class. It was a lovely fall day, so collegiate it was picturesque. I had just been shopping with my sister that weekend and bought a pair of cute capris, fashionable capris [hint hint, these are the tight pants]. As I walk down the main walk in Murray over the bridge, I notice a man look at me and smile. I smile back, thinking, 'what a friendly place this campus is... I love college, smily face!' 


I then pass the student center and another man looks at me and says, 'hello'... except it was like 'he-looooo'. I put on my simpleton, from the country smile, and say, hello! again, what a great, friendly college!!


Then I get to the library and it happens. A third man looks at me and smiles. 
Except he added: DAMN GIRL, LOOKING GOOD IN THEM PANTS!!


That's capitalized because he yelled it at me. All of a sudden, I realize that all those 'nice men' that had been looking me up and down were thinking the same thing. They were thinking about my tight, some say fashionable pants, and thinking about my large and in charge rear end. I was so embarrassed! I walked with my butt facing buildings, sometimes walking sideways, so that no one else would notice. 


Needless to say, those pants never came out of the closet. And perfectly good pair of pants to waste... damn.