It's been a while since I've posted, but here is my most recent awkward encounter, straight to you from a the bridal shower I just left.
I arrived at a bridal shower for a friend of mine, looking cute and ready to party. Or shower. Whatever you say about bridal showers. It was a lovely time with good food, punch, and funny stories. It was hosted by a lady in her home. And by home, I mean super nice, should be on the cover of one of those magazines that tells you how you should have your home. The basement was bigger and nicer than my entire home. But whatever, I am a master at fitting in, being cool, nonchalant.... yeah right. I wouldn't have a blog if I was normal in social situations.
ANYWAY, I had to use the restroom, as one often does. I went to the guest bathroom and... well, we don't need to know the details of that. While in the bathroom, I was struck with how beautiful this bathroom was. The shower had not one shower head, but a SECOND shower head. One of those that comes straight from the ceiling so your showering experience is comprable to being bathed in a waterfall, a rain storm, or drops of liquid from heaven. I want one. so bad.
After my coveting experience in the bathroom, I went to rejoin the party. I was filling up a cup of coffee when I got to met the hostess of the party. Now let me preface by saying that the following is what a normal conversation would be:
Hostess: Hi, I'm so and so, and you are?
Me: I'm Katie, may I say, you have a lovely home.
Hostess: Why thank you, how nice of you to say.
Me: Of course, thank you for hosting, it's a lovely party.
But that's not blog worthy. Here's how the conversation really went:
Hostess: Hi, I'm so and so, and you are?
Me: I'm Katie and wow, you have a great house. That bathroom is amazing. Such a cool shower. I want it. So bad.
Hostess: haha [awkward laugh] my husband walks down from the bedroom every morning just to shower in that thing.
Me: I know! [what? I don't know that! I don't know her husband's showering habits. anyway] I almost stripped down and showered myself!
Hostess: [states at me uncomfortably]
Me: Oh, is that cake? Yeah, I'm gonna get some of that...
Yup, that's what I do. I can socialize with the best of them. Some people are social butterflies. I'm more a social moth. I make you uncomfortable and kind of fly in your face. it's not pretty...
Another successful encounter with a person!! and, I will try to update this thing more often :)
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
sickness....
Ladies and gentlemen, I am sick. Stuffy nose, sneezing, generally fogginess of the head... It is no fun at all. But, it did allow for me to have the following awkward moments during the day....
1) Sleeping: Sleeping when you're sick is so difficult. You can literally feel snot shifting from one side of your head to the other. You're hot then you're cold [raise your hand if you just started singing Katy Perry!], you wake-up 17 times because you were probably snoring like a wookie, it just never goes well. Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke-up and needed to blow my nose. So, I grabbed a robe, wandering to the bathroom... except it wasn't the bathroom. I stumbled into a walk-in closet in my apartment, groping around the random supplies we have back there looking a for a tissue. I eventually blew my nose in the bathroom, but I may have used a sweater that was being stored in the closet. That'll be a nice surprise for another day...
2) Going in public: I know I shouldn't work when I'm sick, but I had to... a little bit. I had two families to visit and some paperwork to do, so I took care of business and tried to get home and back to my quarantine state without infecting the public. However, while at a family's home, I sneezed into my sleeve... and a ball of snot came out on my sleeve. I tried to play it cool, not gag at my own disgusting-ness. I left the meeting, no one noticed and I used so much hand sanitizer on my hands and sleeves. I'm sure it smelled like rubbing alcohol in my car, however I'm congested, so I didn't notice.
3) My face: Doesn't matter how much make-up I wear, if I'm sick, you know it. Ever seen the walking dead? If I have a cold, you could throw me on that set and I would be an extra. I look disgusting. And, if you were to see me, guaranteed you will say one of the following comments: 'you feeling ok today?' 'You look a little tired.' 'You look like you aren't feeling well...' 'did you sleep ok?" ' Oh honey, you look stressed"
I get it!! I do not look my best. I look like I went on a 3 day bender with charlie sheen and woke up sleeping under a cactus. Thank you for pointing it out. Back to bed.
4) Home remedies: While out in public, I stopped at kroger for the essentials... tissues, nose spray, heating pad [which I put on my face for the rest of the day] and throat lozenges. So, I'm laying on the couch, wallowing in self pity, when I decide to use my saline nose spray... while laying down. This caused a flood of saline solution to go through my nose, down my throat, and caused me to choke. I sat up and starting coughing, sounded like 'gollum' from lord of the rings [raise your hand if you're a dork!] I got myself together and decided to try again in the other nostril [this time sitting up of course]. I sprayed the saline into my nose, panicked because I thought I might choke again, so took the bottle out of my nose quickly. Too quickly, in fact. I forgot to stop squeezing the bottle. So, I sent a shower of saline up my nose, on my face, in my eyes, on the couch... like an ocean of cold medicine washing over me and kind of drowning me.... again.
So, I sit on my couch, eyes still burning from the nose spray, wondering what new experiences this sickness will bring my way. Bring it on cold, I am ready!
1) Sleeping: Sleeping when you're sick is so difficult. You can literally feel snot shifting from one side of your head to the other. You're hot then you're cold [raise your hand if you just started singing Katy Perry!], you wake-up 17 times because you were probably snoring like a wookie, it just never goes well. Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke-up and needed to blow my nose. So, I grabbed a robe, wandering to the bathroom... except it wasn't the bathroom. I stumbled into a walk-in closet in my apartment, groping around the random supplies we have back there looking a for a tissue. I eventually blew my nose in the bathroom, but I may have used a sweater that was being stored in the closet. That'll be a nice surprise for another day...
2) Going in public: I know I shouldn't work when I'm sick, but I had to... a little bit. I had two families to visit and some paperwork to do, so I took care of business and tried to get home and back to my quarantine state without infecting the public. However, while at a family's home, I sneezed into my sleeve... and a ball of snot came out on my sleeve. I tried to play it cool, not gag at my own disgusting-ness. I left the meeting, no one noticed and I used so much hand sanitizer on my hands and sleeves. I'm sure it smelled like rubbing alcohol in my car, however I'm congested, so I didn't notice.
3) My face: Doesn't matter how much make-up I wear, if I'm sick, you know it. Ever seen the walking dead? If I have a cold, you could throw me on that set and I would be an extra. I look disgusting. And, if you were to see me, guaranteed you will say one of the following comments: 'you feeling ok today?' 'You look a little tired.' 'You look like you aren't feeling well...' 'did you sleep ok?" ' Oh honey, you look stressed"
I get it!! I do not look my best. I look like I went on a 3 day bender with charlie sheen and woke up sleeping under a cactus. Thank you for pointing it out. Back to bed.
4) Home remedies: While out in public, I stopped at kroger for the essentials... tissues, nose spray, heating pad [which I put on my face for the rest of the day] and throat lozenges. So, I'm laying on the couch, wallowing in self pity, when I decide to use my saline nose spray... while laying down. This caused a flood of saline solution to go through my nose, down my throat, and caused me to choke. I sat up and starting coughing, sounded like 'gollum' from lord of the rings [raise your hand if you're a dork!] I got myself together and decided to try again in the other nostril [this time sitting up of course]. I sprayed the saline into my nose, panicked because I thought I might choke again, so took the bottle out of my nose quickly. Too quickly, in fact. I forgot to stop squeezing the bottle. So, I sent a shower of saline up my nose, on my face, in my eyes, on the couch... like an ocean of cold medicine washing over me and kind of drowning me.... again.
So, I sit on my couch, eyes still burning from the nose spray, wondering what new experiences this sickness will bring my way. Bring it on cold, I am ready!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Stalker
Stalking is weird. The word 'stalker' brings to the mind images of a guy in the bushes with binoculars, someone who sends letters to their beloved made up from cut up magazines, someone who collects creepy dolls and sends them as presents... It is not a pleasant image and stalking is not something to joke about... usually. In this story, I was not the stalked. That's right. I was the stalker. Here we go...
Remember the "winky mcgunslinger" story? In that story, I accidently winked and shot a finger guy at an attractive guy in my class. Well, enter that attractive guy again and another awkward interaction with him [can you call it an interaction when you are stalking and don't actually talk to them?]
There I am, graduate student, about mid-way through the semester. I'm learning the ropes of school, balancing homework, real work, and fun times, generally getting a good grip on things. However, I was not getting to know people in my class. If you know me, you know it takes me a while to warm up to people. I'm pretty ok being that person in class who sits in the back-ish, doesn't talk to their classmates, at least for a while. Give me a month or two before I start being social. This story occurs in the I'm-not-talking-to-anyone period of grad school.
So, it's mid-way through the semester and I'm walking to my friday night class. As I walked across the lawns of UL, I remembered suddenly that our class was moved to a different building. Oh shoot, I forgot to right down the building and room number! Now, UL is not a small campus, I couldn't just waltz around until I found my classmates. I also couldn't hop on-line using a fancy cell phone to find out where class was to be held because I don't have internet on my phone [I know, the mind reels that there could be someone out there over the age of 12 and under the age of 60 that doesn't have internet on their phone. But if I did have the ability to jump on-line, there wouldn't be a story... so I continue]
I stood, outside my usual building, pondering my next move. I debated just going home. I had given it the old college try, or in my case the grad school try, but there was no point walking around, peeking into rooms to see if I recognized anyone. And then, I saw him.
Like a beacon from heaven, I saw a guy from my class, walking across campus. Bingo! I could just ask him where class was. That's what a normal person would do. I, instead, debated the consequences of actually talking to this guy. Keep in mind, I hadn't really spoken to anyone in class. I was still hoping they had forgotten my first day of class in which I ran in sweaty and said something about bacon being my favorite food. Since that day, I had decided to lay low. And this particular day, I decided to continue that pattern.
So, I stalked him. I stayed about 50 feet behind him at all times, just walking, trying to be casual. Just casually stalking. At one point, he stopped to talk to someone on campus. Which meant I had to stop 50 feet behind him and stand in the middle of campus on a random sidewalk. I just stood their looking at the trees, checking my internet-less cell phone, looking through my book bag. Finally, he continued walking toward class. I called my friend Betsy to inform her of my new stalking habit. She told me this was silly and I should just ask him where class was... yeah, I couldn't do that.
In the end, I made it to class. Again, I sat in the back-ish and didn't talk to anyone. But who needs to? I was able to get to class successfully without making social interactions. So, I win? no probably not...
Remember the "winky mcgunslinger" story? In that story, I accidently winked and shot a finger guy at an attractive guy in my class. Well, enter that attractive guy again and another awkward interaction with him [can you call it an interaction when you are stalking and don't actually talk to them?]
There I am, graduate student, about mid-way through the semester. I'm learning the ropes of school, balancing homework, real work, and fun times, generally getting a good grip on things. However, I was not getting to know people in my class. If you know me, you know it takes me a while to warm up to people. I'm pretty ok being that person in class who sits in the back-ish, doesn't talk to their classmates, at least for a while. Give me a month or two before I start being social. This story occurs in the I'm-not-talking-to-anyone period of grad school.
So, it's mid-way through the semester and I'm walking to my friday night class. As I walked across the lawns of UL, I remembered suddenly that our class was moved to a different building. Oh shoot, I forgot to right down the building and room number! Now, UL is not a small campus, I couldn't just waltz around until I found my classmates. I also couldn't hop on-line using a fancy cell phone to find out where class was to be held because I don't have internet on my phone [I know, the mind reels that there could be someone out there over the age of 12 and under the age of 60 that doesn't have internet on their phone. But if I did have the ability to jump on-line, there wouldn't be a story... so I continue]
I stood, outside my usual building, pondering my next move. I debated just going home. I had given it the old college try, or in my case the grad school try, but there was no point walking around, peeking into rooms to see if I recognized anyone. And then, I saw him.
Like a beacon from heaven, I saw a guy from my class, walking across campus. Bingo! I could just ask him where class was. That's what a normal person would do. I, instead, debated the consequences of actually talking to this guy. Keep in mind, I hadn't really spoken to anyone in class. I was still hoping they had forgotten my first day of class in which I ran in sweaty and said something about bacon being my favorite food. Since that day, I had decided to lay low. And this particular day, I decided to continue that pattern.
So, I stalked him. I stayed about 50 feet behind him at all times, just walking, trying to be casual. Just casually stalking. At one point, he stopped to talk to someone on campus. Which meant I had to stop 50 feet behind him and stand in the middle of campus on a random sidewalk. I just stood their looking at the trees, checking my internet-less cell phone, looking through my book bag. Finally, he continued walking toward class. I called my friend Betsy to inform her of my new stalking habit. She told me this was silly and I should just ask him where class was... yeah, I couldn't do that.
In the end, I made it to class. Again, I sat in the back-ish and didn't talk to anyone. But who needs to? I was able to get to class successfully without making social interactions. So, I win? no probably not...
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