sickness....

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sick. Stuffy nose, sneezing, generally fogginess of the head... It is no fun at all. But, it did allow for me to have the following awkward moments during the day....

1) Sleeping: Sleeping when you're sick is so difficult. You can literally feel snot shifting from one side of your head to the other. You're hot then you're cold [raise your hand if you just started singing Katy Perry!], you wake-up 17 times because you were probably snoring like a wookie, it just never goes well. Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke-up and needed to blow my nose. So, I grabbed a robe, wandering to the bathroom... except it wasn't the bathroom. I stumbled into a walk-in closet in my apartment, groping around the random supplies we have back there looking a for a tissue. I eventually blew my nose in the bathroom, but I may have used a sweater that was being stored in the closet. That'll be a nice surprise for another day...

2) Going in public: I know I shouldn't work when I'm sick, but I had to... a little bit. I had two families to visit and some paperwork to do, so I took care of business and tried to get home and back to my quarantine state without infecting the public. However, while at a family's home, I sneezed into my sleeve... and a ball of snot came out on my sleeve. I tried to play it cool, not gag at my own disgusting-ness. I left the meeting, no one noticed and I used so much hand sanitizer on my hands and sleeves. I'm sure it smelled like rubbing alcohol in my car, however I'm congested, so I didn't notice.

3) My face: Doesn't matter how much make-up I wear, if I'm sick, you know it. Ever seen the walking dead? If I have a cold, you could throw me on that set and I would be an extra. I look disgusting. And, if you were to see me, guaranteed you will say one of the following comments: 'you feeling ok today?' 'You look a little tired.' 'You look like you aren't feeling well...' 'did you sleep ok?" ' Oh honey, you look stressed"
I get it!! I do not look my best. I look like I went on a 3 day bender with charlie sheen and woke up sleeping under a cactus. Thank you for pointing it out. Back to bed.

4) Home remedies: While out in public, I stopped at kroger for the essentials... tissues, nose spray, heating pad [which I put on my face for the rest of the day] and throat lozenges. So, I'm laying on the couch, wallowing in self pity, when I decide to use my saline nose spray... while laying down. This caused a flood of saline solution to go through my nose, down my throat, and caused me to choke. I sat up and starting coughing, sounded like 'gollum' from lord of the rings [raise your hand if you're a dork!] I got myself together and decided to try again in the other nostril [this time sitting up of course]. I sprayed the saline into my nose, panicked because I thought I might choke again, so took the bottle out of my nose quickly. Too quickly, in fact.  I forgot to stop squeezing the bottle. So, I sent a shower of saline up my nose, on my face, in my eyes, on the couch... like an ocean of cold medicine washing over me and kind of drowning me.... again.

So, I sit on my couch, eyes still burning from the nose spray, wondering what new experiences this sickness will bring my way. Bring it on cold, I am ready!