Voicemail

I'm not great at leaving voicemails. There something awkward about leaving a message for a machine that's meant for a person. I stutter, I forget who I'm speaking with, my thoughts wander which lead to babbling sentences... so, I give you not one, but TWO examples of awkward voicemails....

1) The accidental 'I love you'
There are some people you can say I love you to. Your parents. Your bffs. Your significant other. The chinese restaurant if they say your order will only take 10 minutes to deliver.... but there are some people you should not say I love you to. It's even worse when you leave it on a voicemail.

Freshmen year of college. I had a guy friend named Dan. And, if I'm being honest, I was crushing on this kid a little bit. We hung out, had some laughs, all and all, we were good buds. And, he was cute. We were also preparing to go on a trip to France for two months [wasn't college great? You could go to other countries for months all in the name of education or humanitarian service? good times]. I left him a message about the trip, making arrangements for he and I to travel to a training together for the upcoming trip. The message when something together like, "blah blah blah, ok, talk to you later. Love you!"

Love you? LOVE YOU?! Did I just say I love you to a cute boy that I'm just friends with?!

Most people would just move past it, avoid the situation, not make it a big deal. I couldn't do that. An awkward person couldn't do it. So I called back and left the following message:

" Hey... I just left you a message and told you  I loved you... but I don't really love you. I mean, you're cool and we're friends and I love you like a friend, but I don't love you love you... you know what I mean? Ok, so I'll see you around... and I'm not in love with you..."

What the heck....

2) Ace of Base
There's no easy way to introduce this recent voicemaili fiasco, so I'll just go right into it...

I saw a for sale sign outside a cute house near my neighborhood. I'm not really looking to buy a house right now, but I thought I'd call anyway, just to see. I called the number and left a message that started out normal... "Hi, my name's Katie Adams and I saw the sign... "

Of course, Ace of Base popped in my head. A normal person would move past it. Let it go. But I couldn't. I literally could not stop thinking about "I saw the sign... and it opened up my eyes..." So the message went like this:

"Hi my name is Katie Adams and I saw the sign.... um...... [Can't stop thinking of ace of base!]...I saw the sign ... which is an ace of base song! And I was wondering how many bedrooms are in the house... call me at this number... bye"

What on earth?! Really, did I feel the need to cite my source or just give a shout out to a fantastic 90s band?

Nope, I'm just awkward and that's how I roll.

Michael Jackson strikes again!!

What is the matter with me?! Don't answer that, we could be here all day... but seriously, my love for the king of pop got me in trouble again! and it was a late night in the office [no, I did not get my hand stuck in the shred box again]. But I can't help it, Michael Jackson makes me do crazy things... here we go:


I was at the office late, again, by myself, again, trying to get some reports done. I was listening to some music and then, Michael Jackson came on my music shuffle. I instantly decided that one Michael Jackson song just wasn't enough. Is one Michael Jackson song ever enough? Can you ever hear 'Bad' and say, oh that was enough? No. You want to hear 'Beat it' and then 'The Way You Make me Feel'. Might as well pop in the HIStory album and jam.


Which is what I did. As I listened, I slowly turned the music up louder and louder. By the time I got to 'Man in the Mirror' the music was booming. And so was I. I was signing loudly, throwing my hands up in the air, and having a great time. I'm starting with the man in the mirror! If I wanna make the world a better place, got look at myself and make a change!! It starts with me! Oh yeah, I was inspired.... 


Then I looked up and saw one of our upper management folks walking through. And behind him, was a tour group of about thirty people. These thirty people witnessed me at my desk, singing loudly, dancing in my chair, with my hands in the air. heck, I may have been a little teary eyed [that song gets me!]


All I know is that I slumped down in my chair, quickly turned the music, and offered an awkward wave. You think this second incident would make me take a hiatus from Michael's music, but it won't. I love it too much...

Neighbors

Raise your hand if you are poor and have to live in a semi-jank apartment! Yup, that's me. I'm young, poor, and living in an apartment complex. It's not really gross, but it's also not the nicest place. But that's ok. I feel like being young and poor and living with crazy neighbors is part of life and will benefit sometime in the future... give me perspective... or at least encourage me to work hard so I can move out of here...

Anyway, I live around some pretty weird and awkward people so I thought I'd take a Sunday afternoon and write about. So, blog world, I give you a run-down of the complex crazies:

Complex crazy #1: Squirrel guy:

Many super heros have animal related personas. Batman, Quailman, Spiderman, Hawkman, Cheetara... and it's cool... if the person has a super power. But squirrel guy does not. He does not save the world from evil super villains, build cool weapons, or fight regular crime. What he does do is to buy bags of trail mix and sit on the sidewalk, feeding the squirrels. He has a big grin on his face, feeding the squirrels, sometimes stalking them to the bushes. And he does this almost every single day. That is some kind of devotion. 

Complex crazy #2: Apartment Band

They are like a garage band, but different... because they are stuck inside and all the sound comes right into my apartment. These guys are terrible. They attempt to play songs like 'Smoke on the Water' and 'Back in Black'. Except they miss about every third chord and the amps [cranked up to 11!] muffled by our walls cause their 'band' to sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown. Wa-wa-wa-wa... If you see me walking around with a pencil sticking out of my ear, it's because I just couldn't take it anymore. 

Complex crazy #3: Brain Injury man

The guy on the patio right across from me is quite a character. Our patios are about 10 feet from each other, so going outside meant having a conversation with this guy was inevitable. Every time I went outside, we had the same conversation. He would ask what I did for a living and I responded, I am a social worker. And every time, he told me that he a social worker too, because he had a brain injury. We literally had this conversation almost every time I saw him. One day, he said, I bet you think I'm stupid because of my brain injury. In my head, I thought, that's not why I think you're stupid. I think you're stupid because of comments like this:

1) The other night, I had 6 guys on my porch, each about 200 pound guys. That's like.... well, I don't know how much that is, but it's a lot!

2) When discussing global warming...? What a lot of people don't understand is that the sun directly influences the temperature of the earth. Good point...?

3) First day I met, he asked a guy walking by: Hey, do you need anymore weed?... Then he turned to me and asked, Wait, you're not a cop are you?

Complex Crazy #4: Regular Joe

How to describe this guy? He is about 40 years old, lives with his mom, has a beer belly, and a country accent so thick, you can barely understand him. One time, I was walking by his porch and I heard: 'Who's a pretty pretty? You're a pretty pretty. Yes you are! You're a pretty pretty!' I looked around, praying that he wasn't talking to me, when I noticed that he was sitting on his porch, no shirt, petting a cat. And the cat was pretty, but he was being a little weird about it. When he isn't petting his cat, he likes to stand with his arms above his head, leaning on his porch, rubbing his stomach... sometimes with a finger in his belly button. Just what I want to come home to everyday. 

So, those are a few of my neighbors. And i guess this is where I belong. An awkward girl in the complex of crazies. At least I'm funny awkward and not stick my finger in my belly button while watching people walk by awkward....