Back row Buffalo

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have man hands... and large rear end. It doesn't take a scientist to realize that I am not a small girl. I am about 5'9" or 5' 10", depending on the gas station I'm standing in when I measure myself against the door. I inherited my mother's childbearing hips and thighs [yeah for biology!]
I have been a big girl from a small age. I was never petite. I used to wish I could be one of those girls that was about 5'2" and weighted a buck oh 5. But I'm not. I like to think of myself as an Amazon woman... but not as scary


In high school, I was in the show choir. I can box step to a show tune with bright lights in my face with the best of them... or at least with the mediocre of them... Imagine the show Glee without the slushies, sexual tension, glitter, drama, and stereotypical characters [really? a quarterback who sings, plays an instrument, AND is good looking? soooo refreshing!]. In choir, I stood in the back row for all four years. If I had stood in the front row, those adorable little girls may age who wore size zeros through high school and were cold in 90 degree weather because they have not body fat would have been hidden by my amazon frame. So, I stood in the back with the other big girls. We lovingly called ourselves the back row buffalos. And then cried in the bathroom... 


It was spirit week my freshmen year. Pajama day was monday and it was my favorite day of the week. What's not great about getting to wear pajama pants, comfy sweatshirt and slippers all day long?! Add a pillow and snuggie and you would have the best day of school ever. So there I was freshmen year. I was wearing my Horton Hears a Who pants with a sweatshirt, feeling as comfortable as ever. I went to choir and we began rehearsing. I was in the back, as always, jazz-handing to 'Fever!'. We did a step turn and that's when it happened. I step turned on the bottom of my pants and felt my Dr. Suess bottoms slip to my thighs. I tried to quickly jump off the back of the risers so I could fix my pants and avoid an embarrassing moment.  


But, the risers were pressed against a wall. I jump turned into a wall of mirrors and ricocheted back down the risers. The back row buffalo went charging down into the rows of peppy oompa-loompas.  I fell in front of these petite high schoolers with my pants around my knees. National geographic would play this scene in slow motion, demonstrating the power of natural selection. And whatever hope I had of being a tall, cool, Amazon woman were washed away with the laughter of my peers. Nothing like my large rear end covered in unflattering underwear to end a potential career as a cool kid. But maybe I kissed that hope goodbye when I wore Dr. Suess pants...