Telling someone how you feel

L-O-V-E. Love. We all want it. We all work for it. We've all done stupid things in the name of it. 

Putting yourself on the line and telling someone how you feel is awkward. You are completely exposed, waiting for them to respond, hoping they say more than 'thanks... I like you as a friend?' Oh man, I can hear the dreams crushing. 

And if this circumstance isn't awkward enough, add the grueling and traumatic years of middle school. As if acne and hormones are challenging enough, throw in some interactions with the opposite sex and you have a recipe for disaster. 

Let me take you back to 1999. Come with me now, gentle viewers, to a time when boys bands were all the rage, Fight Club was introduced to our lives, and I was in seventh grade. It was also the year I got my first boyfriend. And let me tell you, I was not a good girlfriend. I didn't really do anything 'bad', it's just that I was... awkward. I know, shock face, me, awkward. But it's true. The relationship didn't last. We broke up because he said I didn't act like I was interested in him. Which was true, but really, I was just shy and unsure how to act in a relationship... if you can even call it that. So, my first relationship went down in flames. Boo-hoo. 

Then, I went on a church trip and my ex was there. It was cool, we were still friends [somehow, we healed from the wounds of the past] and he asked me why I couldn't just be myself while we were 'dating'. Why I went from cool, confident, friend to awkward, unsure girlfriend. Honestly, I didn't know how to express myself. I didn't know how to tell him I was just shy. 

But I knew someone who could express my feelings better than me. Her name was Britney Spears and she had just released her 'Baby One More Time' album. On this jewel of a record was a song titled "Sometimes". This was the song I used to express me feelings. 

The day after my conversation with ex-lover boy, I gave him a CD and said 'Listen to song 3... it explains how I feel better than I can'

Wow, I want to punch myself in the face just for ever saying that. For those of you struggling to remember the powerful lyrics of "Sometimes", here is a little refresher:

You tell me you're in love with me
Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me
It's not that I don't want to stay
But every time you come too close I move away

I wanna believe in everything you say
'Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There's things about me you just have to know

[CHORUS:]
Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time

Yup. I gave him a CD and said that these lyrics... THESE lyrics were an accurate representation of emotions. Wow. Just wow. What happened, you ask, after this revealing moment of my middle school days?

We got back together, got married, and lived happily ever after... Just kidding! He gave me the CD back the next day and said... nothing. He just handed the CD back and walked away. And in that moment, I learned that if you can't say it yourself, do not let Britney Spears say it for you. Because it will backfire and it will backfire hard.